Tag Archives: sadness

Devotion?

"...the man follows you around staring at you like you're a goddess.
...I know that look.  Like his entire world was ending.  No wonder the man is about to go rip apart the fabric of the universe for you."

I've seen this type of devotion in real life with a friend, to his wife.  

I've read about this kind of love in books. 

I listen to this in songs. 

But I've experienced nothing like it.

Abuse, neglect, come in spades.  

Now as I reach mid life, no longer regarded as young, I experience this as prejudice. 

Fuck what I would give to a man to be the centre of his universe for even one minute. To really feel it. My heart hurts just thinking about it. I suppose that's why I still try. Maybe one day it won't be some far off pipe dream.  Maybe one day I'll be the transfiguration that sets the world on fire.

At the pool today

Hey baby,
it's me, in bed again.
Just wanted to write you quickly before I went to sleep.
Another day done, another day longing for you.
Was that you I saw today?
Maybe it was, I was there you know sitting in that chair across the pool.
Watching my daughter in her swimming lessons and I looked up and saw you there.
You might have seen me trying not to stare as you showered off the sweat from the sauna.
I wish I had my sunglasses on so I could have hid my eyes from devouring you.
You might not have noticed me, my petite frame, hiding behind the book I was reading. 
God damn, my friend and I were giggling like we were 20 something little girls again.  That's what you do to me walking in there with your shirt off and pulling your shorts up a bit on your thighs.
I wanted to walk over to the sauna, pull the door open and thank you for the eye candy.  Just say, "boy you made my day just by showing up here today."
But lets be real.
No one wants a mom in her mid 30s.
No matter how hot I keep myself, no matter how much Pilates I do, I still just want you.
You see these boys they think they can handle me, that is until I start texting them dirty things and they tell me to stop.
Can I just be honest. 
Please for once.
Actually I always am on here when I write to you.
You are starting to know all my dirty little secrets.
At the end of my day all I really want is you to rub my shoulders and fuck me until I forget I am a mom.
I just want to be a woman again.
A hot sexy, single woman again.
Because baby, no one wants a mom.
I love you,
I am just tired tonight.
I have to get up and do all the things again tomorrow cause you know I am responsible and stuff.
I miss you.
Come here, slip yourself into me and give me a hug.
Love your dream girl 
xo